


#Roommate Chronicles

by iamslytherlocked, impulserun



Series: StudioAmis [3]
Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Epistolary, Gen, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-03-15 18:36:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3457562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamslytherlocked/pseuds/iamslytherlocked, https://archiveofourown.org/users/impulserun/pseuds/impulserun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Other than running a successful video channel under StudioAmis, Courfeyrac also runs a popular tumblr blog. His most popular posts are the ones about his mysterious roommate...</p><p>(Or, a series of blog posts about the art of Pontmercying.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Not-Date

 

 

> Anonymous said:
> 
> omg tell us more about your roommate
> 
> * * *

 

-          SETTLE DOWN CHICKENS LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME MY ROOMMATE ACCIDENTALLY TOOK ME ON A DATE

-          you read that right

-          my roommate

-          my 100% hetero roommate

-          the one with 2 girlfriends (it’s a poly r/s btw he’s not cheating on anybody) (he wouldn’t have the heart to tbh he’s such a sweet penguin)

-          took me out on a date

-          _completely by accident_

-          _without realising it was a date_

** READ MORE **

-          SO ANYWAY this was somewhere around the time he started seeing his first girlfriend

-          not that i knew he had a girlfriend

-          i was l e g i t i m a t e l y convinced this boy wanted to get in my pants

-          seriously

-          _seriously_

-          _who asks to share your bedroom (he spilled coffee on his bed don’t ask) by saying ‘i have come to sleep with you’???_

-          _never in my life has my gaydar failed me this badly_

-          back on topic

-          so it’s a typical Friday night, uni classes are over, I’m chilling at home watching cat videos, gorging myself on cheap storebrand chocolates ~~that I’m going to regret in the morning~~

-          when roomie comes home

-          he is glowing

-          honest to god glowing

-          think of every ya novel description of some fellow’s cheeks flushed with happiness/excitement/etc etc etc you have ever read

-          that’s my roomie’s face right there

-          “Courf,” says roomie, “let’s go out to dinner!”

-          keep in mind, my roomie’s idea of eating out is like, snagging a burger or ordering takeout from a Chinese food place or some other cheap unhealthy thing like that, so when i said yes, you probably know what i was expecting

-          well

-          _it was not what i was expecting_

-          he took me to this fancy-ass French restaurant in the theatre district called Marseille

-          granted it’s not exactly _fancy-ass_ fancy-ass

-          but for a couple of dirt poor uni students

-          well

-          you get the idea

-          so we’re sitting at the restaurant staring at the dinner menu

-          i have no idea what i’m doing here

-          i can’t read half of the things on the menu

-          sweet potato cigar??? what the fuck is that

-          so i’m eying roomie over the top of the menu

-          trying to telepathically figure out what he’s going to order

-          when

-          without looking up from the menu

-          he says

-          “don’t worry courf, i’ll foot the bill. just get whatever you want.”

-          _i’ll foot the bill_

-          _just get whatever you want_

-          keep in mind, this is my roommate we’re talking about

-          the other day i came home to find him eating a baked potato for dinner

-          and that was it

-          a baked potato

-          and when i say baked i mean _he just stuck it in the oven without prepping it or anything_

-          _yeah_

-          so i ended up getting one of the pasta dishes cos 1) expensive and 2) the fuck is a sweet potato cigar

-          when the waiter comes

-          roomie

-          in a fit of madness

-          orders

-          **_the most_**

-          **_expensive_**

-          **_thing_**

-          **_on the menu_**

-          so while I’m busy staring at roomie

-          wondering if an alien abducted him while we were at class

-          the waiter asks if we want any wine

-          “sure,” says roomie. “why not?”

-          he said yes to wine

-          _he said yes to wine_

-          **_he fucking said yes to wine_**

-          **_he ordered a fucking steak dish and he said yes to wine_**

-          as my mind takes time for this stunning turn of events to register, i realise he’s smiling at me

-          again, think of every shitty ya novel description you’ve ever read

-          that was probably what he looked like

-          when the waiter came back with our wine and our food

-          he left a candle on our table

-          i shit you not. a candle.

-          _even the fucking waiter had his suspicions._

-          SO we started eating and I was seriously regretting getting the pasta

-          Like

-          Fuck me for being considerate and thinking about roomie’s wallet, his steak frites looked delicious, it smelled delicious, _i wanted it._

-          So of course I pestered him for a piece of his steak

 ~~-~~ ~~I do this with all my friends it’s a bad habit I’m p sure joly hates me for the time I accidentally passed him the flu~~

 ~~-~~ ~~okay technically bossuet passed him the flu~~

 ~~-~~ ~~but i passed it to bossuet first~~

-          “Yeah, okay,” says roomie. “go ahead and have some.”

-          So I’m expecting him to dump a piece of his steak on my plate or something right?

-          **_No._**

-          **_He f e d it to me over the table._**

-          i spent the rest of the dinner trying to do the sherlock deduction thing

-          you know the one

-          p much the dinner scene from a study in pink tbh

-          so we finished dinner and our wine

-          roommate was v chatty the whole time which isn’t really the norm for this guy

-          small talk is like his kryptonite

-          ask him how his day was and he freezes up

-          one time he didn’t talk for _an entire weekend_.

-          ANYWAY the bill came

-          he paid

-          i tried to split the bill but he insisted

-          so anywaaaaay we left the restaurant

-          just sort of wandering around theatre district

-          when roomie turns to me

-          “soooo,” says roomie, and get this, he is actually scuffing his feet on the ground, who actually does that nowadays?, “I’ve been meaning to catch Wicked lately… do you mind coming with? I’ll pay for your ticket!”

-          _do you mind coming with_

-          _i’ll pay for your ticket_

-          **_can you fucking blame me_ **

-          so.

-          we went to broadway.

-          we caught wicked.

-          i couldn’t even focus on the show

-          the entire time i was just like

-          is this a date??

-          did i just get suckered into a date???

-          did he specifically pick wicked to hint at something?

-          is he expecting me to kiss him goodnight? How’s that supposed to even work, we _live together???_

-          you know me followers, i’ve always been a bit of a flirt, but it’s just like my default socialising mode or something

-          roomie never seemed to mind

-          oh god

-          i found myself suddenly re-evaluating our entire life together

-          _all this time have we actually been dating??_

-          _what a terrible boyfriend i’ve been_

-          _like, there have literally been times when I’ve flirted with people in front of my roommate’s face okay_

-          _oh my god_

-          _why did he never say anything_

-          as it turns out, it wasn’t actually a date.

-          when i asked roomie about it, well

-          Tl;dr, “I’M JUST SO HAPPY COURF I GOT A NEW GIRLFRIEND TODAY AND I WANT TO CELEBRATE WITH YOU”

-          What.

-          _What_.

-          **_What_**.

-          so

-          as i gawked at him

-          and roomie waxed poetic about his girlfriend’s silken hair of gold and eyes the colour of the sky on a clear summer’s day ~~yes those were the words he used~~

-          we went home

-          with roomie none the wiser about the fact that he took me on a date

-          _on the day he went steady with his girlfriend_

-          ~~it’s not cheating if you didn’t know you were cheating right~~

 

#roommate chronicles #seriously #can you blame me for thinking he was gay #can you blame me for thinking he was into me #i mean come on #/come on/

*

shutuptaire replied to your post: omg tell us more about your roommate

> the sad thing is, I can actually see that happening.

yeah yeah laugh it up

i still think about it sometimes

~~the _possibilities_ ~~

#in another liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiife #i would be your maaaaaaaaaaan #uhh something something something the lyrics don’t really fit??? #the one that got awaaaaaaaaaaaay #shutuptaire


	2. How I Met My Roommate

> Anonymous said:
> 
> MORE ROOMMATE STORIESSSSSSSSSSSSS

* * *

 

> Anonymous said:
> 
> can you tell us more about your roommate pls? :)

* * *

 

-          seriously guys

-          you have more love for roomie than you do for me

-          </3

-          so as you all know by now stories about my roomie make up like 90% of the most reblogged posts on my blog

~~-~~ ~~that is not my fault~~

~~-~~ ~~he makes it so _easy_~~

~~-~~ ~~who even sleeps with a handkerchief on his face smh~~

-          GATHER ROUND CHILDREN

-          THIS IS THE STORY OF HOW I MET ~~YOUR MOTHER~~ MY ROOMMATE

** READ MORE **

-          For most of this to make sense you have to remember this is before Bossuet dropped out of law school

-          Ie before the ot3 came out as, well, an ot3

-          ~~Yes I call them the ot3~~

-          ~~We all call them the ot3~~

-          ~~They don’t mind tbh~~

-          SO ANYWAY our story starts in the Café Musain

-          you know the place, i’ve mentioned it a thousand times

-          it’s the place with the mini elephant statue ~~blocking the doorway~~ decorating the inside of the café

-          ~~the number of times bossuet has tripped over that elephant smh~~

-          ~~one time i was walking behind him and i almost fell over _him_~~

-          ~~why the owner doesn’t shift the goddamn elephant two fucking feet to the left i will never know~~

-          so on this particular afternoon, it was raining really heavily, and of course bossuet being bossuet, he didn’t have his umbrella.

-          he _never_ has his umbrella.

-          unless it’s the middle of a drought.

-          and he gets struck by lightning while holding it.

-          that’s our ‘suet for you.

-          so he comes in

-          dripping wet ~~in a shirt that was once a respectable white, but is now see-through~~

-          ~~mmm abs~~

-          and clutching this leather workbag in his hand

-          which obv wasn’t his, the last time he had anything resembling a leather workbag it got thrown into a car fire following an attempted snatch theft/mugging

-          don’t ask

-          i don’t know either

-          so right, enter bossuet stage left, dripping all over the musain’s woodwork, mysterious bag in hand

-          could it be a bomb?? is it filled with cursed gold?? you never know with bossuet man anything is possible

-          nah it turns out it’s a mystery classmate’s bag

-          he left it in the lecture hall after getting a call??

-          stormed out of the room in tears and all

-          and he never

-          came

-          back

-          so our ‘suet, ever the chivalrous gentleman, takes his bag, intending to return it to him, but how?? _it is a mystery_

-          and the heavens must have smiled upon us that day, because for the very first time in bossuet’s short life, something went _right_.

-          who should walk into the café (and he sidestepped the murder elephant like a pro too, four for you roomie, you go roomie) but my future-roomie himself!!

-          bossuet wasn’t the only one who forgot his umbrella obv

-          future-roomie was _soaked to the skin_

-          his hair was plastered to his scalp, there was rainwater dripping off his nose, by this point his clothes were also see-through

~~-~~ ~~no abs but still a 10 out of 10~~

~~-~~ ~~he has that cuddly marshmallow appeal you know~~

~~-~~ ~~like baymax but hotter~~

~~-~~ so bossuet jumps up, returns his bag, and being bossuet ~~~~

 ~~-~~ drags him over to our table to talk ~~~~

 ~~-~~ it gets out that future-roomie is an orphan living with his douchebag racist classist bourgeoisie of a grandpa ~~~~

 ~~-~~ when i say his grandpa is a douchebag racist classist bourgeoisie _i mean it_ ~~~~

-          i don’t think i ever mentioned this before but my roommate is mixed

-          his dad was (i think) a colonel in the US army who served in afghanistan

-          he was also _black_

-          of course roomie didn’t know this, his skin is really light-coloured so his grandpa has been passing him off as white all this time

-          he never even knew his dad was black until the fucking _funeral_

-          (i’m not entirely sure how his grandpa got custody tbh)

-          (large amounts of money were prolly involved)

-          so long story short they (roomie and his grandpa) had a falling out which ended with roomie bereft of a place to stay

-          no he wasn’t kicked out

-          he _left_

-          badass future-roomie is _badass_

-          okay okay tl;dr he needed a place to stay. i offered. that’s more or less it.

-          but _courfeyrac_ , you cry. what if he was a psychotic axe killer?

-          _are you kidding_

-          _how could i say no to that face_

-          _he was like a puppy_

-          _a kicked puppy that was left out in the rain_

-          **_literally_**

-          incidentally, this is how the offering-of-place-to-stay-to-sad-puppy-roomie went down:

-          “I SAW HIM FIRST COURFEYRAC”

-          “SHUT UP BOSSUET YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE A HOME”

-          “YOU’RE CRASHING ON JOLY’S COUCH MAN WHERE DO YOU EXPECT HIM TO SLEEP”

-          “I’M NOT SLEEPING ON HIS COUCH I’M SLEEPING IN HIS _BED_ ”

-          _silence._

-          and that is how i found out the ot3 were an ot3.

 

#roommate chronicles #bossuet’s bad luck tho #if we could weaponise it somehow #we’d become a fucking SUPER POWER #no one would dare mess with studioamis #get on our bad side #and BAM #a typhoon just plopped a shark down in your swimming pool #leave hate on our videos #WHOOPS GUESS WHOSE HOUSE JUST BURNT DOWN IN A FREAK RADIATOR INCIDENT #DOWN WITH THE BOURGEOISIE #edit: enjolras just read my tags and called me a tyrant :(

*

therealestcourfeyrac:

okay so ~~mum~~ enjolras and ~~dad~~ combeferre sat me down yesterday and after a lot of yelling all around I feel obliged to let you all know ‘suet isn’t actually that unlucky u_u

 

#it’s just me #and my flair for the dramatic #i tend to exaggerate things #makes for good reading you feel?? #sorry suet #i still love you #<3

*

therealestcourfeyrac:

OKAY THAT LAST TEXT POST MADE PEOPLE ASK ME IF ENJ AND FERRE ARE DATING

THE ANSWER IS NO

NO

N O

 

#OKAY ENJ #R KNOWS YOU’RE SINGLE NOW #YOU CAN STOP GIVING ME THE LOOK NOW #I’VE SEEN QUITE ENOUGH OF THE ABYSS THANK YOU

*

> angejolras said:
> 
> WHAT THE FUCK COURF YOU DON’T TYPE THAT IN PUBLIC WHAT IF R SAW


	3. The Handkerchief Incident

> Anonymous said:
> 
> So… what’s up with the handkerchief incident?
> 
> * * *
> 
>  

-          The handkerchief incident

-          Oh man

-          _The handkerchief incident_

-          Buckle up kiddos, uncle courf’s gonna take you for a _ride_

-          ~~That sounded vaguely paedophilic~~

-          ~~please ignore that~~

** READ MORE **

-          so

-          if you’ve ever read edith wharton’s age of innocence

-          or if you’ve ever had a literature student friend who read the book for school

-          and proceeded to text you through the night

-          about their secondhand embarrassment

-          and oh god courf why won’t he stop

 ~~-~~ ~~hay there jehan~~

-          you’ll probably get what i mean when i say

-          NEWLAND ARCHER AND THE

-          **_FUCKING_**

-          **_PINK_**

-          **_UMBRELLA_**

-          [echoes of jehan wailing in the distance]

-          chronologically this takes place waaaaaay before the not-date

-          ergo, before roomie started officially seeing his girlfriend, but after he first caught the feeeeliiiings

-          not that i knew this at the time mind you

-          damn you gaydar :|

-          anyway, the handkerchief incident is basically that one day, when i went to go wake roomie for breakfast, i found him sleeping with a handkerchief on his face

-          he claims that the handkerchief is his gf’s (he picked it up from the bench she was sitting on at the park, CREEPY MUCH)

-          but seeing as his gf’s initials (E.C.F) don’t match the ones embroidered on the handkerchief (U.F) is it really hers????

-          I THINK **NOT**

-          why are you sleeping with a hanky on your face anyway

-          what were you hoping to achieve

 ~~-~~ ~~i could think of a few things you could do with a hanky but this is my _roommate_ here~~

 ~~-~~ ~~before he started going out with his girlfriends he was terrified of women~~

 ~~-~~ ~~one time i had to rescue him from the clutches of an overly affectionate waitress~~

 ~~-~~ ~~he _cried_~~

-          were you trying to breathe in her perfume and pine the whole night long?????

-          i realise the story is kind of underwhelming

-          like

-          when I say ‘handkerchief’ jehan thinks of Shakespeare (Othello? Was it Othello?) and starts off on another literature rant about how everything would be fine if they had just _spoken_ to each other miscommunication-fuelled conflicts are so _stupid_ courfeyrac _why_

-          but yeah

-          that’s my handkerchief story

-          EDIT: SO I TEXTED ROOMIE’S GIRLFRIEND #1

-          AND APPARENTLY

-          THE HANKY IS ROOMIE’S GF’S **_DAD’S_**

-          **_ROOMIE_**

-          **_ROOMIE_**

-          **_WHAT HAVE YOU DONE_**

 

#roommate chronicles #i worry about him sometimes #i really do #what on earth did his grandfather teach him as a child #like can you believe when he first moved in he’d never read harry potter #never watched any disney movies either #the AUDACITY #you have not fully lived until you’ve cried your eyes out over bambi’s mother and mufasa’s deaths #also sirius black #also HEDWIG WTF JK ROWLING WHY #fyi roomie is totally a hufflepuff like me bless his little badger heart #edit: oh my god roomie why

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Newland Archer thing from Edith Wharton's The Age of Innocence is very much a thing that I (and my darling co-author) tend to complain about to everyone who will listen to us. Tl;dr he picks up a pink umbrella thinking it belongs to his love interest and kisses its handle. As he finds out on the very next page, it does not, in fact, belong to his love interest. 
> 
> Jehan's literature rants are all based on me. Othello and AoI are two of the texts I studied for GCSE A Level Literature last year.


	4. The Fire Alarm and the Fashion Faux Pas

therealestcourfeyrac:

no video tonight

roomie set off the fire alarm while he was in the shower

i do not know how it happened

but it did

i am posting this from my phone

leeching the wifi outside the starbucks near our apartment complex

if you are in the area

yes

that is indeed me standing next to the idiot in the bathrobe

no pictures please

~~he’s already learnt his lesson~~

#roommate chronicles #will wonders never cease #can fire alarms even be set off by steam? #we’re getting the stinkeye from the entire apartment block jfc

*

enjolraswithashotgun replied to your post: no video tonight

> It was probably the steam!! The same thing happened to my friend while we were in UK for a school trip. We cleared out the whole hotel >>;

entaireiscanon replied to your post: no video tonight

> Definitely the steam. Someone from my school set off the alarm in a hotel in England a few years ago, so I checked if it was possible. :’D

~~are the two of you friends?~~

thanks for the heads-up!! idk how we’re going to avoid setting the alarm off _again_ , gdi, but it helps to know the cause

~~sigh~~

#enjolraswithashotgun #entaireiscanon #maybe i’ll stick a dehumidifier in the toilet? will that work? #money tho #incidentally #nice urls you two #although I wouldn’t exactly trust enjy baby with a shotgun #i’d be the first to die #also is there a fanclub dedicated to shipping grantaire and enjolras? where do I sign up? #LOOK AT ME #TALKING ABOUT THESE THINGS #WHILE ROOMIE IS FREEZING HIS BALLS OFF

*

shutuptaire replied to your post: no video tonight

> you guys need a place to crash?

nah it’s fine they’re letting ppl back into the building alr

my poor baby roomie though he’s shivering in his bathrobe

I should prolly call joly just in case

#shutuptaire #at least he isn’t in just a towel i guess?? #i snagged a jacket on the way out so it’s not so bad for me #but #POOR ROOMIE #HIS HAIR IS STILL WET

* * *

therealestcourfeyrac:

I FEEL LIKE I’VE FAILED IN MY CAPACITY AS THE LIVE-IN FASHION CONSULTANT

ROOMIE WHAT WERE YOU WEARING WHEN YOU LEFT THE HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUSE

I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW YOU HAD THAT COAT

WHY DO YOU HAVE A TOP HAT

**_A_ **

**_TOP_ **

**_HAT_ **

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!#?!?!?!?@!?

#roommate chronicles #what the actual fuck #this is worse than the time he dressed up as napoleon for the halloween costume party

*

shutuptaire replied to your post: I FEEL LIKE I’VE FAILED…

> HE DID WHAT

oh yea i forgot you hadn’t moved in with enjy yet then

#shutuptaire #i think there are pics in the studioamis fb album #the fallout was a m a z i n g #but yeah this is worse than THAT #what a FASHION DISASTER

*

therealestcourfeyrac:

update on the fashion disaster

apparently roomie was on his way to see his grandpa for the biannual awkie family reunion dinner

the racist sexist classist bourgeoisie? You know the one

so his terrible clashing clothes were a sort of UP YOURS to him

especially since the last time they saw each other his grandpa refused to acknowledge his polyamorous r/s with his 2 gfs u_u

ahhhh ickle roomiekins

you’ve grown so much since I first took you under my wing [proud mother hen noises]

#roommate chronicles #tbh this was prolly gf #2’s idea #with gf #1’s help in choosing the clothes #I need to come up with a better way to refer to his two gfs that isn’t so demeaning ._. #the blonde and the brunette?? #i can’t use their initials the whole world will know #one time i posted a selfie and you lot managed to make out that I was in theatre district #the next thing I know the place’s FLOODED with fans #it’s like a fucking superpower with you guys you feel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fire alarm thing is based off an actual irl event that happened to us (ergo me and my co-author) while we were in England for a school trip in 2011 u_u I ran out of the hotel without shoes on in the confusion and I think she was one of the many ppl still in sleepwear? I can't really remember the details; I just remember being really damn grateful that I had already changed into day clothes. 
> 
> Also for the fashion faux pas I'm not saying [this](http://www.gofugyourself.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/W-Magazine-January-2015-Performances-Issue-Eddie-Redmayne1-510x643.jpg) is the coat but this is totally the coat. Jesus _Christ_.


	5. In which Roomie GETS HIT BY A CAR

therealestcourfeyrac:

in the er waiting for roomie to get his cast, accepting suggestions for what to draw on his leg to adequately express my anger

 

#ffs #roommate chronicles #nth worse than waking up to a call from the fucking hospital

*

shutuptaire replied to your post: in the er waiting for…

> WHAT THE FUCK??

idek roomie saw his gf on the other side of the road and stopped to

idk

smile at her or something

he got hit by a car

luckily nth was broken or anything he only fractured his leg

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

 

#roommate chronicles #time to revise traffic safety #i worry about you sometimes roomie #i really do #i mean #come on #seriously? #seriously??? #you stupid fluffy duck what would you do without me #shutuptaire

*

shutuptairereplied to your post _: shutuptaire replied to your …_

> which hospital is this i’m coming down to draw a dickbutt on his cast

i’ll text u the address

 

#do it #draw all the dickbutts #HE DESERVES IT #shutuptaire

*

anonymous submitted:

> An artist’s impression of a frustrated therealestcourfeyrac and his hapless roomie u_u

omg

 

#submissions #anon #accurate #roommate chronicles #where have you been all my life anon #THIS IS GOING ON HIS CAST #R CAN YOU IMITATE THIS FOR ME #I CAN’T DRAW FOR SHIT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sadly, based on a true story. I was crossing a road when ACTUAL IRL ENJOLRAS WITH FLOWING GOLDEN LOCKS WALKED DOWN THE ROAD IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION WITH LIKE, IRL COURF AND IRL FERRE CAN YOU BLAME ME FOR STOPPING AND STARING. I LIVE IN SINGAPORE WHAT ARE THE ODDS OF THAT HAPPENING.
> 
> ( _yes i can_ , says joly muse. _you have the self-preservation instinct of bella swan_.)
> 
> I didn't get hit by a car though so there's that.


	6. THE GREAT SHOE HEIST

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based off a story [iamslytherlocked](http://archiveofourown.org/users/iamslytherlocked/pseuds/iamslytherlocked) told me about a senior from her school and his adventures in the school dorms.

> Anonymous said:
> 
> Sooo… anymore roomie stories, or have you exhausted your repertoire?
> 
> * * *
> 
>  

did i tell u guys about the time roomie’s shoe got stolen

~~it was ttly bahorel but shhh don’t tell him~~

 

#roommate chronicles #kay imma go back through my roomie tag #double check which stories i haven’t told y’all

*

> Anonymous said:
> 
> NO. NO U HAVEN’T. PLS TELL US MORE.
> 
> * * *
> 
>  

 

> beersomebahorel said:
> 
> TELL US THE SHOE STORY

* * *

(not pictured: the literal hundreds of other asks including gems like:

> * * *
> 
> Anonymous said:
> 
> I’M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BAHOREL
> 
> * * *
> 
> )

 

seamoonjolyfish replied to your post: Sooo… anymore roomie stories…

> Wait, shoe like singular shoe? What even what happened wtf i neED A CONTEXT

fearsomebahorel replied to your post: Sooo… anymore roomie stories…

> bro…. brofeyrac… why you gotta be like that bro….

 

sorry bahorel

~~wtf is brofeyrac that is a T E R R I B L E portmanteau of my name~~

~~THIS MEANS WAR~~

** Read More **

-          this all started not long after roomie first moved in with me

-          as you all know, much like roomie and bossuet (and a surprising number of our crew) bahorel is

-          **_/dramatic lightning/_**

-          **_/dramatic thunder/_**

-          a _law student._

-          **_/DUN DUN DUNNNNN./_**

-          so like, yeah, that’s how roomie and bahorel met, actually. in a law lecture. or rather, outside of a law lecture, b/c roomie was late and bahorel got kicked out for taking the piss or smth idk

-          so anywaaaay all the law school and ex-law school peeps got together for a night of fun and games some time back

-          and people brought friends of friends along

-          and that is how most of the amis met for the first time BUT WHATEVERRR I AM GETTING OFF TRACK HERE

-          LONG STORY SHORT there was a dare involved on that first night

~~-~~ ~~there is always a dare involved~~

~~-~~ ~~or beer pong~~

~~-~~ ~~never go up against cosette in a game of beer pong smh her cute exterior is a L I E~~

-          at this pt of the night roomie had had one too many drinks of wine and was currently snoozing on the couch like a lil puppy

-          bossuet had like, cracked his head open on a low-lying bookshelf or smth

-          his nose??? I think???? Idek anymore like

-          how do you get hit in the face that many times and never scar

-          _look at him_

-          _look at his perfectly shaped head_

~~-~~ **_~~witchcraft~~ _ ** ~~~~

-          which meant that the med squad were with him in the kitchen patching up the bleeding

-          actually i don’t even rmb where the rest of us were at that pt like enj just completely dropped off the radar and ???? jehan?????

-          but anyway me bahorel and feuilly were sitting round the ol coffee table

-          finishing up the rest of the alcohol (big mistake btw **b i g mistake** do not try this at home unless you have your granny’s hangover cure ready and raring to go the next morning)

-          we had been talking about like video games or something when bahorel knocked back his drink and made the most disgusted expression known to humanity

-          “look at him” he said, gesturing vaguely in roomie’s direction

-          “look at his _shoes_ ”

-          “brogues”

-          “ _brogues_ ”

-          “with _that pair of pants_ ”

-          (mind you it was a very nice pair of pants)

-          (showed off roomie’s assets 10/10)

-          (I was offended on roomie’s behalf)

~~-~~ ~~also if you don’t know by now~~

~~-~~ ~~bahorel is our top fashionista after cosette which is~~

~~-~~ ~~yeah~~

-          “ _look at him_ ”

-          having said so he fell into a pensive silence

-          leaving me and feuilly to make awkward eye-contact all like “the fuck is up with him today”

-          then, he announced, “i’m gonna do it.”

-          do what?

-          “i’m gonna steal his shoes.”

-          (this was the point we decided bahorel had watched too much national treasure)

-          “you can’t do that,” says feuilly

-          “yeah,” says me, “those are his only dress shoes.”

-          “yes i can,” sniffs bahorel

-          “no, you can’t,” says feuilly. “bahorel, don’t do this thing.”

-          tl;dr “bahorel no” “bahorel YES” “ok fine but if ur gon be an idiot then only steal **_o n e_** of his shoes”

-          we were drunk.

-          yeah.

-          neither of us expected him to hold up his end of the deal

-          or even remember his end of the deal

-          (shortly after accepting the ‘dare’ he fell flat onto the table and started snoring)

-          but then

-          not a week later

-          one fine morning before roomie’s business law lecture

-          he came into my room

-          hair an artfully tousled mess

-          and said

-          “courf, where did my shoe go???”

-          we went out to the shoe rack

-          sure enough

-          one of roomie’s brogue shoes – the ones he wore to that fateful party – was gone

-          but not only that

-          _ONE OF MY SHOES WAS GONE TOO_

-          _BAHOREL TOOK MY SHOE HOSTAGE TO ENSURE MY SILENCE AND COVER HIS TRACKS_

-          **_MY MOST COMFORTABLE PAIR OF COURT SHOES_**

-          over the course of the month each of the amis lost one of their shoes to the cause

-          each one more bewildered than the last

-          he even stole his own shoe just to make sure no one suspected him this man watches too much CSI

-          sent out a mass text message all like “WHICH ONE OF YOU LOSERS TOOK MY RIGHT LOAFER”

-          but I _knew_

-          _I knew the truth_

-          our shoes would not return to us for another month and a half

-          poor roomie had to go to class in sneakers and face the judgment of professor ~~bignose~~ blondeau

                                                                                                                     

#roommate chronicles #now that i think about it bahorel is basically daredevil??? #feuilly can be his foggy #or would suet fit the role better idk #but i can’t break up the brotp #bahorel and feuilly put the otp in brotp ;) #also speaking of dares I must poke r to hurry up and edit that video #HURRY UP R #MY PEOPLE NEED ME

*

fearsomebahorel said:

> well I’m sorry would you have preferred COURFEYBRO

 

fearsomebahorel said:

> or idk maybe COURFBRORAC

 

fearsomebahorel said:

> THEBROESTBROFEYRAC

 

stop

 

#fearsomebahorel #jfc leave the punning to the pun squad #you’re terrible

*

shutuptaire replied to your post: NO. NO U HAVEN’T….

> is this the reason why one of my running trainers is now missing

idk man we live in a strange district

yesterday i stuck up an unglam selfie on the front door

like

just to decorate it you know??

today i went to get our mail and _it was gone_

 

#shutuptaire #guests have to be buzzed in and stuff so i thought it would be safe #IT WAS NOT SAFE #WHO STOLE MY SELFIE #WHAT ARE YOU USING IT FOR


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